Oscarathon 2019: Golden Globes Live…ish Blog

In All, Anime, Movies, Television by David

We are finally here: the 2019 Golden Globes. Stay tuned in as I more or less live blog the super important and not unnecessary at all awards…

5:03 PM PST: And we have started! Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg are doing bits and opening monologue stuff that I missed the first few minutes of because of laundry and stuff. Umm, it is good. Looks like we are off to a good start…

5:07 PM PST: Shots at Aloha and Ghost and the Shell are fired, and I am pretty sure you can hear Emma Stone screaming that she is sorry for Aloha, and that is kind of awesome if true.

5:10 PM PST: There are a lot of jokes going on at the awkwardness of Hollywood’s steps to try and be more diverse, including Samberg reading a speech about diversity that was “supposed” to be for Oh. Oh also gives a heartfelt speech about how at least for this year a lot of change and diversity is present and that is worth noting, even if Hollywood will probably fuck it up next year.

5:13 PM PST: Bradley Cooper and Lady GaGa are out to present for Best Actor in TV for Comedy/Musical, and the winner is… Michael Douglas, because the HFPA cannot resist rewarding at least one movie star for being in TV, and he was probably pretty good or something (you can tell I am majorly behind on TV).

5:15 PM PST: Nice speech, even if it meant I had to listen to Chuck Lorre get thanked, but at the same time I got to listen to Kirk Douglas get a shout-out, so it evens out, I suppose.

5:17 PM PST: The cast of Black Panther is out to present Black Panther. Smart to go first and remind people that it could, well, actually win.

5:18 PM PST: Then the cast stays on to present for Best Animated Film, and the winner is Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse, and now everyone is like on overdrive reading their speech. Jesus, what is happening? Like, literally they seemed to be pushed to speak as fast as possible and were played off very quickly. Mahershala Ali has a look on his face at some point that is like, what is happening, after he gets a quick shout-out. It is so weird and everyone is unorganized. That was something…

5:24 PM PST: The main women of The Favourite are out to announce their movie, which is cool, and then they are gone… so that the cast of the Big Bang Theory can come out to present for Best Actor TV Series – Drama, and the winner is… Richard Madden, because the HFPA was like, OMG this is random and Maddon is British and shiny and new, so have a Golden Globe. Madden seems somewhat unprepared, which means he really is great actor–or his team forgot to tell him that shit like this just happens at the Globes (maybe a bit of both). Nice speech either way.

5:29 PM PST: And time for Best TV Drama, because we are just flying through things at this point. It is almost like they are trying to outrun the alcohol, and the winner is… Holy shit!!! The Americans. I mean, that was completely unexpected. Good for you HFPA, way to one-up the Emmys by finally giving The Americans a huge win like this award for Best Drama. No time to reflect on this too much, as we have to fly through this momentous speech that has been years in the making for… commercials, and some sort of clearly mandated time limit for the show this year.

5:34 PM PST: Let’s see what is happening on Twitter now…

There will probably be a lot of this tonight.

5:36 PM PST: HFPA President is out to speak about stuff, including giving money for Freedom of the Press, which is actually pretty cool. For once this speech feels actually meaningful and not just tacked on.

5:38 PM PST: The main stars of BlacKkKlansman are out to present their film, and then they are gone like they were never there. Taraji P. Henson and Gina Rodriguez are out to present for Best Supporting Actor in Limited/TV Series, and the winner is… Ben Winshaw for A Very British Scandal, because the HFPA is ready to make sure every British person possible can win tonight (he is also probably good, but where is the fun in saying that?). Winshaw gives a lovely speech because he is the best, and I can’t help but wonder if this might mean something later on in the night for Best Comedy. We’ll see.

5:42 PM PST: Ben Stiller and Jamie Lee Curtis are out for some somewhat awkward banter to present for Actress in a Limited Series, and the winner is Patricia Arquette for Escape at Dannemora, which is a bit of surprise, and suggests that the days of simply buying out the Limited Category are likely over. Nice to see a mix of winners and not just an HBO or FX project winning everything. Arquette gives a lovely speech that she gets to read for quite a bit longer than pretty much anyone that has spoken so far, which makes me wonder what in the hell is happening with time management so far.

5:47 PM PST: Oh and Samberg are out to do a bit about flu shots and celebrities being normal people. It is weird and probably should have been cut to allow the winners for The Americans or Spider-Verse to give a real acceptance speech (man, I am already bitter about speech time and we just started the major awards season).

5:52 PM PST: Lucy Liu is out to present for Crazy Rich Asians, because for some reason the cast can’t do that or something, I guess.

5:53 PM PST: Steve Carell is out to present the very first Carol Burnett Award, which is, of course, going to Carol Burnett, which is really cool. Have to give props to the HFPA for adding another lifetime achievement award and keeping it in the show, unlike some shows, which shall remain nameless *cough* Oscars *cough*.

5:59 PM PST: Burnett’s speech is great and she wows the crowd, which absolutely loves her (and I mean, why wouldn’t they). It’s a powerful speech, and Carol Burnett is awesome.

6:06 PM PST: Taylor Swift and Idris Elba, in what could be the most random pairing ever, are out to present for Best Song, and the winner is… “Shallow” from A Star Is Born. Lady GaGa and other songwriters (yeah, that is all these three dudes get) come up to give a fun speech that once again seems strangely not to be affected by the time crunch from earlier (well, mostly). Maybe they decided to sacrifice the first hour of winners in exchange for more time for everyone later, or maybe everyone from earlier was just really not prepared. Regardless, this pace is awful and makes an award show that already struggles with being taken seriously feel even less consequential, which shouldn’t be possible.

6:09 PM PST: What’s up, Twitter?

Hahahahaha

Yeah, my thoughts as well.

6:13 PM PST: Oh and Samberg are back out to reflect on their past wins in a funny bit, before bringing Octavia Spencer out to present Green Book.

6:16 PM PST: Allison Janney and Sam Rockwell are out to present for Supporting Actress in Film. The winner is… Regina King, who is now a prohibitive favorite for the Oscar going forward. This means we get to hear a great speech from Regina King.

6:20 PM PST: The Globes tried to play off Regina King as she pivoted to talking about diversity and working to make sure all of her projects include 50% women going forward. It did not go well, and whoever cued the playoff walked that back as quick as possible. So maybe just stop playing people off or you will look like an ass.

6:21 PM PST: Kristen Bell and Megan Mullally are out to present for Best Actress in a Drama Series, and the winner is… Sandra Oh. This is a cool moment for so many reasons, but also, like, her parents are in the audience and they are so thrilled for her. It is adorable.

6:25 PM PST: Yep, this.

6:27 PM PST: Oh and Samberg are back and she is still holding her Globe (please hold it all night). Now Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph are out to present for Supporting Actor – Motion Picture. The winner is… Mahershala Ali, who actually has never won before, because I had blocked from my mind the year he lost (for Moonlight) to Aaron Taylor Johnson (Nocturnal Animals), because it was so wrong I still can’t believe it. Ali is, as always, full of grace and class, and his speech is amazing.

6:32 PM PST: Poehler and Rudolph are still there and taking shots at Best Screenplay with a faux proposal. The winner is… Green Book. Oh dear, this could be a thing. Golden Globes, please don’t go further than this. Don’t start us down the path of Green Book winning Best Picture. That is all. Oh yeah, the speech was short and sweet. Good for them, I guess… but this is ridiculous.

6:36 PM PST: Mood.

6:39 PM PST: Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy are out to present for Best Supporting Actress – TV and all that other stuff. The winner is… Patricia Clarkson for Sharp Objects, which is a nice bounce back after the surprising Best Actress results earlier. Clarkson gives a beautiful speech.

6:42 PM PST: Saoirse Ronan is out to present for Best Actor in Comedy or Musical, and the winner is… Christian Bale for Vice, which is expected, but I am just thankful Green Book lost something, because this is a thing I have to worry about now. Bale’s speech is charming and irreverent, including thanking Satan for inspiration on how to play Dick Cheney. He also sweetly tried and failed to ask his wife if he had forgotten to thank anyone, which was kind of adorable.

6:49 PM PST: Totally not annoyed by this at all…

6:50 PM PST: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Antonio Banderas are out to present for Best Foreign Film and the winner is Roma, because even the Globes are not willing to be that crazy. Good night for Netflix so far. Now Alfonso Cuarón is up to give a gracias and lovely speech.

6:53 PM PST: Tyler Perry is up to present for Vice. Then Taron Egerton and Amber Heard are up to present for Best Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie, which feels really random to happen this late, and the winner is… Darren Criss. This has been expected for some time, but it is nice the Globes followed through. Criss high-fived people as he walked up because he is so excited to be there. He even mentions how he is happy to be on varsity this year (as in the prestige projects team).

6:59 PM PST: The Golden Globe announcer makes mistakes just like the rest of us. Good to know he is not a machine.

7:02 PM PST: Chris Pine is out to present the Cecil B. Demille award to Jeff Bridges.

7:10 PM PST: Bridges’ speech is as rambling and random as you would expect, as he basically thanks everyone he could, and honestly is confusing the audience, who seemed to think that if we gave Bridges this long to talk he wouldn’t in fact just say hilariously random stuff and start going off on rambling tangents about tagging people in for… something? Anyway, everyone is apparently “it” now.

7:14 PM PST: A bemused Harrison Ford is out to present for Best Director, and the winner is… Alfonso Cuarón. Okay, it looks like the HFPA only slightly lost their mind with Green Book, as Cuarón wins Best Director and suggests that Roma could have been a real power player if it could have been nominated for Best Picture. Netflix continues to be thrilled with tonight’s results. Cuarón gives another stellar speech.

7:23 PM PST: Sam Elliot comes out to present A Star Is Born. Then the cast of This Is Us is out to present for Best Actress in TV Comedy and the winner is… Rachel Brosnahan, which is expected and deserved, even if I had hoped Kristen Bell could pull this off. Brosnahan gives a sweet speech and even references that she is being asked to wrap up, which, like, sigh.

7:27 PM PST: The This is Us cast then announces for Best Comedy Series, and the winner is The Kominsky Method, which, like, sure, HFPA, just go all-in, I guess. Chuck Lorre does give a touching speech, and he looks so happy, which is pretty endearing… so of course he gets played off, because why care about real human emotion, am I right?

7:31 PM PST: It occurs to me that I clearly missed Best Score while getting laundry, because dear Lord the Globes are moving way too fast. The winner was… Justin Hurwitz for First Man, because the HFPA absolutely loves him.

7:33 PM PST: The Kominsky Method wins…

7:35 PM PST: Emily Blunt and Dick Van Dyke are out to present Mary Poppins Returns. Then Lena Waithe and Halle Berry are out to present for Best Limited Series or TV Movie and the winner is… The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story. Lord, the music kept playing as they tried speaking, so that is something. Once they finally started, a very inspiring speech about resisting and standing up for what is right was given.

7:43 PM PST: Still annoyed…

7:44 PM PST: Jessica Chastain and Anne Hathaway are out to present for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, and the winner is Olivia Colman for The Favourite, which gets The Favourite back on track after the writing miss from earlier. Colman is floored, nervous, and very excited. This is nice practice for her because she is likely to be back at least once after she takes over as Queen Elizabeth on The Crown.

7:47 PM PST: Janelle Monae is out to present If Beale Street Could Talk, and then we have commercials…

7:52 PM PST: Mike Myers is out to present for Bohemian Rhapsody. Then Bill Murray comes out to present for Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy, and he is sloshed. The winner is… sigh, Green Book. It is happening, folks… seriously, Globes you had one job: not allowing this to happen. The cast and crew look pretty happy, so good for them I suppose. Peter Farrelly gives a nice speech that includes calling out his children for sneaking on stage.

7:57 PM PST: Okay, you get massive props for calling out the Globes for trying to play you off, Farrelly, and then he ruined it by saying this is a film for everyone, and basically started his Oscar campaign to make the Academy reward the film about racism this year that makes white people feel the best about themselves.

8:03 PM PST: Gary Oldman is out to present for Best Actress in a Drama, and the winner is… Glenn Close for The Wife. Well, that was somewhat unexpected. I mean, it is Glenn Close, so not, like, that unexpected, but a surprise. Close is now firmly in the Oscar race, and she is crying on stage. She clearly was not expecting this. Now that she is getting emotional, I assume she will just be played off shortly… J/k that hasn’t happened yet… It took 14 years to make this movie, and she takes a nice joke about how it being called The Wife contributed to it not being made. She then shifts to telling women to find personal fulfillment in their lives, however they want. Also, the Globes tried to play off Glenn fucking Close… seriously.

8:10 PM PST: Back to rage…

Sigh… seriously, Globes, why? Just why? You literally just had to pick anything but Green Book.

8:13 PM PST: Richard Gere and Julianne Moore are out to present for Best Actor in Drama, and the winner is Rami Malek. Ooooh, this race has just gotten very intriguing. Even with the criticism that has gone Bohemian Rhapsody‘s way, everyone has agreed Rami Malek is amazing, so this is well deserved. Malek, of course, walks up and nails his speech, because he is the best.

8:17 PM PST: Well, now the question is, will A Star Is Born be almost entirely shut out? Or are the Golden Globes just spreading the love?

8:18 PM PST: Nicole Kidman comes out to present for Best Picture – Drama, and the winner is oh my God they fucking did it, Bohemian Rhapsody. The Globes have gone full Globes, everyone. They fucking picked Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody as Best Picture winners. The rumblings about how much they loved Bohemian Rhapsody were all around, but no one thought they would go that far with it, and yet here we are. The speech is pretty good considering they are completely unprepared–and just for one last salt to the wound, they get played off, because why not?

And that is it… there is a lot to talk about. Like, a lot. I am going to need time to process all of this, but, umm, if nothing else, this may truly be one of the most chaotic awards seasons ever. I will be back soon, but for now I will leave you with this.

-David