Golden Globes Live Snark Blog

In All, Movies, Television by David

So, okay this is going to be weird. Turns out switching over to internet cable like Playstation Vue means I can’t actually watch the Globes… So instead I am just going to do a live reaction to Twitter as I get more and more angry that I can’t watch the show itself. This won’t really be that up to date, but it will have much more snark because of this.

5:16 PM: So there was the opening number. Barb is apparently alive. Yay, I guess. Fallon did jokes, I am sure they were nice and non-controversial in every way because it is Jimmy Fallon. First award was Best Supporting Actor in a Movie. The Globes gets off to a ridiculous start as Aaron-Taylor Johnson wins for Nocturnal Animals, which is hilarious because he is not even the best supporting actor in his own movie. Top form, HFPA, you are really going to try and make Nocturnal Animals happen aren’t you?

5:18 PM: Actor in a Drama Series is up. Hey Billy Bob Thornton did win for Goliath. I called that because it was such a ridiculous idea.

Sigh…

5:21 PM: Fallon made some joke that involved Hugh Grant and there was an announcer snafu or something, so maybe Hugh Grant is winning tonight. I mean, the Globes are off to such a Globes start that let’s just go all in.

5:26 PM: Hey, network TV got a win in Best Actress in a Comedy with Tracee Ellis Ross for blackish. The shiny and new winner went in a different direction this year. I am cool with that, especially because that supporting actor win a few minutes ago is still complete bullshit even by Globes standards. Still, high praise for this one.

5:29 PM: Way to get out of your own way again, HFPA. Atlanta for Best Comedy Series. Sometimes it is that easy. So good job for not forking that up.

Go Donald Glover Go

5:38 PM: Yeah, I am going to fall behind to give you Twitter embeds because what the hell else am I going to do?

5:40 PM: Hey, my stubborn nature paid off. Sarah Paulson for the People VS. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story did win for Best Actress in A Limited blah blah blah Series. Nice.

5:44 PM: OJ wins for best Series as well. Nothing can stop the OJ train, nothing!

5:50 PM: Hahaha, Hugh Laurie for The Night Manager wins Best Supporting Actor in a Limited Series and all that nonsense. Sure, why not, things were getting a bit too normal…

This is a lot of people right now…

Still, sounds like Laurie gave a great speech, which shouldn’t be that shocking because he is awesome.

5:54 PM: Hey, for Best Score they did go with La La Land. Well played, HFPA, you got in my head, and made me pick against the obvious winner. Well played.

Also, this is probably a good sign for La La Land. This might be a sweep in the making. Just warning you all now.

I am still annoyed at NBC because seriously WTF do you hate viewers? But here.

5:57 PM: La La Land picks up another win for Best Original Song for “City of Stars.” Justin Hurwitz is about to have a great couple of months.

6:04 PM: So I would have just stopped even paying attention if Viola Davis hadn’t won for Fences, but she did, so all is good. But seriously, what the hell is this?

Just what the fuck?

Back to Viola Davis though, because YESSSSSSSSS

True.

6:09 PM: Well, now that Hidden Fences is the sleeper hit nobody knew about, I guess let’s move on…

Okay, now we can move on.

6:12 PM: Olivia Coleman wins for Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Stuff and Stuff Series for The Night Manager. Makes me think that the HFPA almost wanted to give the big award to The Night Manager, but were afraid to, so they did this instead. If Hiddleston wins as well I am totally convinced this is true.

Also…

So maybe this will make you feel better.

6:16 PM: Ryan Gosling wins for Best Actor in a Comedy. So no Ryan Reynolds craziness, but this La La Land train is going full steam. Also, good for Gosling. His performance is going to be somewhat forgotten as we go along awards season so nice to see him get kudos now. Even if I liked his Nice Guys performance even better.

This is never going away.

Nooooooo!

6:23 PM: La La Land for Best Original Screenplay. Those sweeping sounds are getting louder and louder, and man, HFPA really must not like Manchester.

Also this…

Hmm, I wonder if this many wins may actually hurt La La Land because this is the win that was probably a bridge too far. The backlash has already started, but it is only going to get worse after tonight I imagine. It probably won’t matter, but something to look out for.

6:31 PM: Zootopia wins Best Animated Picture and Disney can sigh in relief knowing that their dominance is not about to end anytime soon. People seem pretty happy.

6:37 PM: So yeah, 2016 was such a bad year that the In Memoriam is basically just a descent into sadness, so it makes sense that the Globes just did a tribute to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher instead I guess…. Their deaths were a capstone to a really bad year.

Also, I am sad to be missing this:

6:40 PM: Wonder Woman and Thor gave the award for Best Foreign Film to Elle. The HFPA did love that movie after all. I wonder if that means Huppert can win for Best Actress?

6:43 PM: Hahahahha, Tom Hiddelston did win for Best Actor. Now I am just angry at the HFPA. They clearly wanted to have The Night Manager sweep, but were afraid of being laughed at so I am going to laugh at them for thinking having all the acting wins would go unnoticed.

6:52 PM: Claire Foy wins Best Actress in a Drama Series for The Crown so it looks like the HFPA went the way it always does once again.

For Kyu’s sake, enjoy the terrible pun…

6:54 PM: Then The Crown wins for Best Drama Series so that completes that. I kind of look forward to when everyone forgets this show even existed in about ten years.

This sounds about right.

This is why I clearly phoned in my TV predictions. Though I made the mistake of not picking enough British things.

Still, kudos to The Crown.

7:05 PM: Viola Davis introducing Meryl Streep is something the world doesn’t deserve, but 2017 decided to be nice to us I suppose.

Considering Streep’s last Oscar win came at the expense of Davis, this is kind of fitting.

I will admit I sometimes find the Streep love a little much, especially before she won her last Oscar for The Iron Lady, when people were acting like her merely getting nominated so much was an insult, but Streep is incredible and one of the greatest, if not the greatest actor of all time, so bow down to the Streep and her deserved Cecil Demille Award.

Ahh, this is all too positive, I need Twitter to bring me down.

Ahh, there we go, much better. Those all seem like appropriate responses. Okay, moving back along.

So Trump bashes abound. The responses to this will surely be the most classy and appropriate. Though in all seriousness, the Globes probably do also represent a lot of the worst parts of Hollywood, so yeah, this is all going to go to Hell really quick…

7:26 PM: Damien Chazelle wins for Best Director, which means the sweep is pretty much assured unless the HFPA really wants to fuck with everyone and have, like, Deadpool win. Chazelle is now firmly ahead of Jenkins in the upcoming Oscar race, but there is still plenty of time for that to change.

Also kind of true:

This is very true.

7:29 PM: The fact that Best Actor in a TV Comedy is the last TV award is weird, but sure, why not? Also, it lets Donald Glover get another victory lap since he won for Atlanta. So huge night for Glover and FX.

I am both laughing and crying…

Though I still think Moonlight will win the top prize in Drama, but at this point it’s hard to trust the HFPA. Maybe La La Land will just win both.

7:36 PM: Emma Stone continues La La Land‘s coronation with her Best Actress Win. Well deserved.

Sigh… This is sadly kind of true, and basically why Hollywood might be doing more harm than good at times when it goes political…

Still, I look forward to four years of these award shows basically stoking the political fires of everything. So much fun…

Also doesn’t help that, as much as I also love La La Land, if Hollywood picks another film about itself to give all the awards, this is going to shift into actual awkward territory in a lot of ways.

7:46 PM: Hollywood is apparently Team Brad. I don’t feel the need to say anything more than that. Draw your own conclusions about what that means. La La Land completes the sweep by winning Best Comedy and Musical. This is rather impressive. HFPA is going all in on the La La Land train. Anyhow, that is seven wins, which is a new record at the Globes.

7:53 PM: Oh goodie, Casey Affleck did win for Manchester by the Sea. It is a well-deserved win purely on merit, but I got to say it is not a good look when a show has a bunch of actors give speeches preaching about the world and then a person that more than likely committed sexual assault just won a major award. The optics are not the best.

So yeah, I don’t know how I feel on this one. Twitter have at it.

Though Denzel approves, for whatever that is worth, even if the rest of Twitter thinks he should have won.

8:02 PM: Oooh it did finally happened! Isabelle Huppert won Best Actress for Elle. Elle wins both awards it is nominated for tonight, and more importantly, Huppert is a real player now. This could be the year that a foreign language performance wins at the Oscars again unless La La Land just wins everything, which, well…

Also, Leo coming out for a final victory lap to give out this award is kind of cool.

8:05 PM: Okay, good, Moonlight did win like I thought it would for Best Drama. That cut things a little too close. There will be a lot of annoyed people at how much Moonlight seemed to be slighted, but remember, La La Land was in a much lighter category for the most part, and also the HFPA is crazy. Moonlight is still in the Oscar race, especially once the SAG awards come around and La La Land is nowhere to be found.

So that’s it for the Golden Globes. What did we learn? Let’s see… Meryl Streep is both the greatest thing ever and a liberal elite that represents why Trump is president, or something like that. Twitter is as always the best and the worst. The HFPA managed to both completely lose it, but still do a lot right, even if at this point they might as well just nominate all British shows and stop pretending they care about anything else. La La Land has gone from Oscar slight favorite to clear juggernaut that only Moonlight can stop. Plus, never forget that Aaron Taylor Johnson somehow won for Best Supporting Actor… actually, do forget that and just pretend that Mahershala Ali won because he is winning everywhere else. I will be back with how all this affects the Oscar race as a whole sometime this week, but until then, enjoy this crazy night. Also, never forget #HiddenFences…

-David